Since the last time I wrote anything I have gotten a job at Hannaford, I had Orientation yesterday and I start training tomorrow. -_-

I also have a new boyfrann. His name is Teddy, it’s a long distance relationship T_T He is very very sweet and adorable. I adore him, he makes me really really happy and gives me insane butterflies in my stomache. Anyway… I’m intertwining last week and this week together for the top 10.

1. Went to a wonderful show that I’d been promoting the shit out of for like a month. It didn’t sell out but it was supposed to, it was advertised well enough and fuckin’ “Our Last Night” who is sighed, played. Whatever. It was fun and I got a dicounted shirt from “Caligula” because I’m friends with them and I’m “legit”. I also got a  free cd from “These Green Eyes” who’m are very nice people and make fabulous music. Boy, I love sweaty hugs at shows.
2. Slept over Crystal’s and made her a cute shirt, which she payed for.
3. Got my cell phone back.
4. Learned that I lost enough weight to fit into a medium unisex t-shirt. YESSSUH.
5. changed my bedsheets, yes this is good.
6. Did laundry, I got to the point where I had no underwear and had to go comando, which I despise, let me tell you.
7. Slept over Shay and Dayunn’s for a couple days. I hadn’t seen them in a while and have been pretty anti-social anyway.
8. Talked to Teddy today, I hadn’t gotten to talk to him all week D: I was very sad.
9. Got that job and orientation and all that jazz.
10. Got a sweet new graphic novel about Punch, from Punch and Judy, those creepy old renescance puppets. It’s by Neil Gaiman, who is a BAMF.

Those are a bit out of order, but thats ok. I can’t wait to work out tomorrow, I need to because I missed going Friday because i was  with Shay and Dan and I pretty much have eaten nothing but crap since then. A good thing about working at hannaford is that first, they are starting me off with $8 per hour, AND they have a really good organics and health section so I can buy my own grocerys. It WOULD help if I got a discount but NOOO. Zebulon also works there, so it should be ok. Theres a lot to learn and my attention span is so short. I hope I don’t get in trouble too much.

Humhumhum. The end.

I pretty much did nothing social from Monday to Friday. Saturday Zebulon got home and him, Dandan, Kate, Caleb, Amos and I all went to see Step Brothers. It was hilarious. Oh man.

Today I hung out with Zebulon and Dandan. The power went out so we just sat and argued abaout batman, comcis, Alan Moore, and Tim Burton. Soon the power came back on and we went to McDonald’s then when we came back here we watched that scary indie documentary, “Jesus Camp”. Yeah, it was ridiculous. So I’m just finishing “Eclipse” from the Twilight series. My mum is reading the new one currently. I love those books D: as many other people do. I feel like discussing books that had a big effect on you with a bunch of other crazed fans takes away a lot of your sacred feelings for the book, so I don’t. *cough* anyway.

So I haven’t had my cell phone in a little more than a week now, which is fucking annoying. I’m starting to doubt a few of my friendships. I’m apparently not important enough to remember a lot of the time it seems. Like, if my friends say they are gonna come get me and were gonna hang out and then decide they can’t they forget to call me and tell me not to stay up till like 3 a.m waiting for them to come get me. Sometimes I call them and then they tell me they can’t hang out, so clearly they have no plans of calling me anyway. It hurts a LOT to be ignored and forgotten like it’s no big deal, especially when you NEVER get an apology in any way, shape, or form. Yeah, friends can be super duper shitty and I forgive way to easily. I bet I’ll never even talk to them about it till it eats me alive and I rip into them about it.

Awesome.

So thinking of such things and being lonely really takes it’s toll. I am sleepy and I just want to cuddle. I want to be loved, above all and actually know it’s happening. Fuck. Bitch bitch bitch whine whine whine angst angst angst. UGH. I’m really frustrated with myself right now. I’m going through awesome bouts of self loathing and just hating everybody, while wanting them around. Wow. This is retarded. No shit nobody reads this crap.

I’m other news I saw Batman twice and I’m losing weight and looking better. My hair is lookin’ like shit though, I really need to do something about it. Meh. I have a job interview with Hannaford to push carts Tuesday at 5, which I may need to cancel because I have a doctors appointment that day around the same time. If it costs money for my mum to reschedule my appointment then I’ll just reschedule my interview. I REALLY don’t want to work at Hannaford. I need my cell phone back because all my reference numbers are in it, which I need to get a job at Marshall’s which i heard is really easy to get in from a girl with tons of facial peircings and tattoos, meaning I could get my septum and work there. My grammar is awful. It’s like 9:50 and I’m already exhausted. Working out tomorrow is gonna suck, I’m gonna be sooo tired.

Hmm so in all honesty, I wonder when the next time is that I’ll be really really happy. Misery is for squares.

Raven=wicked square.

Farewell.

I’m posting for Sunday AND Today even though it’s Tuesday.

So the week was slightly more productive then other weeks. “Old Fashion Bargain Day’s” came by Concord like every year. They call it bargain days because all the stores downtown bring out all their trash that nobody wanted and sell it on discount. My parents and I call it “garbage days” because thats basically what it is. The only reason people go is because there is a lots of food that is bad for you and other various attractions like children’s rides and sometimes street performers. The kids just go to hang out wioth their friends and whatnot. Myself and many other people use it to advertise things. Joel, who runs the Penacook shows that happen once a month came and gave me fliers to pass out at garbage days. I learned that people are really rude, no matter how nice and non intimidating you are. All the scene kids I gave them too were really hostile, all the trendy kids were pretty douche baggy. Only a very small handful of people over the course of the three days I was there were nice to me. Even a majority of people who accepted the fliers were rude. Man.

Friday, the second day of garbage days, I was supposed to go to Maine to see The Dark Knight with a few friends, I called them an hour after they were supposed to come get me and I doubt they were ever even going to call and tell me they canceled. Bullshit. Anyway, after being pissing and bitching around the house I decided to stop moping and get out. I went back down to garbage days for more hostility, I had gone earlier that day then took a 3 hour nap. At that point it was around 8 o clock and nobody good was there, I cought up with Gabe and we hung out and bitched about our lives for a tiny bit, then it started to downpour. Zebulon called me and said he was gonna take me to see batman. That boy is a saint. We picked up Dan Jewface and we all went to the 10:20 showing. The movie was absolutely amazing. Heath Ledger is magic.

Saturday I went swimming in Franklin with Shay, Dan, and Cwolleen in some really nice place in Franklin with waterfalls and such. It was very fun. After we went back down to final day of garbage days, it was shitty on this day as well. After that we went to Weare and spent the night at this really cool eccentric hippy artist ladies house that Shay and Dan were hose sitting for. I left my phone there D: I still haven’t gotten back, I wonder when Shay and Dan are planning on bringing it.

Sunday I did nothing, Monday I worked out, went out to lunch with my dad, slept for 3 or 4 hours, read for a couple hours, felt sick, sat at the computer for hours, and went to bed. Today Blake and I went job hunting.

This summer I have applied to Bagel works, Subway, Joe Kings, Hannaford, The Human Rights campaign, CVS, and I have a Regal cinemas, Hot Topic, Spencer’s, Marshals, and Dos Amigos burritos applications in my purse. Fucking eh. I think my best bet is Marshals, I can have piercings if I work there and I really want a septum. I REALLY wanna work for the Human Rights campaign but they haven’t gotten back to me so whatevs.

Oh my stars for the love of liza. I guess I’ll forget to post at the end of this week but thats ok. I’ll try or I wont. It doesn’t make a difference.

I guess I’ll do top 10.

1. Had finals/end of school[that wast last week]
2. Hung out with Gracie
3. Turned seventeen
4. Partied
5. Got some cool books, CD’s and monies
6. Found some good show dates, I’m going to so many shows this month WHOOOO!
7. Hung out with Zebby and Dandan
8. We had lightning storms ALL week and the beginning was really muggy
9. Ate chocolate covered sunflower seeds
10. Looked at drawings Kayla made when she was 5. Hilarious.

Well since today is Monday I will not reveal the adventures of today so I will end this entry now. Yeppuh.

I need to get a new job.

Just sharing. Man, this weeks has been jam-packed, I didn’t post last week or the week before I think. Oh well.

OMG TOP TEN TIMMMEEEEE

• Suffered in the heat. It’s been brutal, it’s just not calming down
• Freaked out about finals and failing stuff
• Saw the sweetest facial hair ever
• finished all my classes, finals are next week!
• Bought my ticket for the Penacook show.
• Started a grindcore band with Zebulon and Dan Jewface, Spring Peepers. Were terrible :3
• Me and Zeb recorded the first Spring Peepers song, it’s called Suffer Pope.
• Went to a show that was lot’s and lot’s of fun, got a free EP from The Syzlaks, some hugs, and Bought a Static of the God’s cd [check them out]
• Wrote Amniotic Poridge, it’s about teen pregnancy and bears that rip into the womb and have a fetus dinner party.

So, something FABULOUS happened. At that Penacook show that kid that took me on a date like 3 months ago showed up. I was very upset at first. He acted like I didn’t exist and he couldn’t see me and his face was upset the whole time. Eventually I got the confidence to confront him. I asked him why he broke off all content with me, he denied that he did and was clearly terrified. Every question I asked him was followed with a cowardly and awkward “..I don’t know..” I ended it with a handshake and a bye. It is now impossible for me to feel bad about it because I was the big person and I made the peace, also because I scared the shit out of him. He is a cowardly liar and frankly, a waste of air. Honestly, I haven’t felt that good in a very long time, a huge weight lifted off my chest. I gained a good portion of my self esteem back and have been happy ever since. So fantastic.

Today is fathers day, my dad is taking me out to lunch in 2 hours. I want a big cheeseburger. I can never be a vegetarian because at random times a day I’m like “Man, I REALLY want meat right now” and crave cheeseburgers and chicken all the time. Meat is so disgusting but oh so delicious..but oh so vile when you REALLY think about it.

SO I finished “The Perks of Being a Wall Flower” which was absolutely fantastic. Although at some points it felt like it was really directed at teenagers and supposed to sound wicked deep and I just couldn’t buy it. The book was really good, it made some really good points and had some great quotes, I highly recommend it, unless your wicked close minded, not that you would admit if you were.

I love Placebo, just sayin’

I think somebody stole my ZUNE, which upsets me A LOT. Thats the only thing that has really brought me down since Friday. I feel like this is the longest post I’ve written in forever.

I think all I have to say about last week was that I went to a battle of the bands last Saturday that was absolutely splendid. My friend Gabe’s band that I came with and went for, Caligula, won. They won 1000 dollars. It was wicked hot in the venue because there was no air conditioning, it was the hottest day we’ve had so far, plus it was crammed with like a million people. Astronomer and The Venetia Fair were INCREDIBLE. You should really listen to them. Besides them thats all I can really remember, except the last band had a 14 year old drummer that was phenomenal..I can’t remember their name though. After the show, it was like 2 am and Zebulon and I ate pizza with Caligula and some of their friends in their practice space, that was a lot of fun and really chill. So nice. That was the best part of last week, nothing else to report.

Man, good times all around, yo.

You know, minus the ZUNE stealing.

I keep fantasizing about me sleeping in my bed, my bed suddenly spriuyts wings and my ceiling opens up and me and my bed fly all over the place.

It’s reoccurring and pretty awesome, not gonna lie. I’ll paint a picture of it after finish all my other art projects. My fucking god my brain is packed, my living room is a mess with fabric and paint and all this art shit and cds and I need to finish my English final and paint a shirt for this girl and a picture for my dad.

If I wasn’t in a good chill mood right now I’d be stressed and miserable.

YESSSSSSS.

Happy fathers day, everyone.

I am so bored.

1. skool crap
2. hung out with Dandan and Zebby
3. went to Manchvegas
4. Hung out with The gang on Saturday.
5. Hung out with Shay,  Dan, Steph, Eddie, Paul, and a couple of their friends on Sunday after Skyshow.
6. At skyshow we made like 20 free hugs signs, it was fun, we got lots of hugs. It was me, shay and dan, texas, lunchbox, james, and others.
7. Got all upset, we won’t talk about the reasoning.
8. Driving back to Dan’s house at like 11 everybody was driving back from skyshow and beeping loud and obnoxious and I was frustrated so I rolled the window down and screamed “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” at the top of my lungs. It felt amazing.
9. Started “The perks of being a wall flower” I like it, I have a little mixed feelings about it but I like the book as a whole, I’m way ahead of my deadline for school. I’m more than halfway through it and I’m not supposed to be.
10. Can’t remember what I did Monday but we had it off.

Yep. It was kinda hectic but fun most of the time. I’ll say it was equally terrible and wonderful. Eh, tired, bored, semi annoyed. I’m so glad theres only like 3 weeks of school left.

I have a new infatuation, which isn’t really anything amazing or new but I was getting kind of bored not liking anybody. The best part is I think this one actually likes me back and I didn’t even have to innitiate all the flirting for once.

HAHAHAHAA. This is kinda awkward, oh man.

Top ten.

1. Started a wicked long letter for Shaybles.
2. basically got the house to myself.
3. almost set the trash in my mom’s shop on fire with DanJewface then went to the talent show with him and Zebby
4. Listened to Gabgab sing “My Vagina” twice in the same week.
5. Hung out with Zebby, DanJewface, Amos, and Awi.
6. Began weekend with Shaybles and Dayunnn
7. We all went to the beach with Steph, Eddie’s friends, and Eddie :3
8. Did RIDICULOUS things at other people in cars on the highway all the way back top steph and Eddie’s house. SO much fun.
9. Cookout and hide and seek at Steph and Eddie’s house then me, Shaybles, and Dayunn went back to his apartment.
10. cookout/hangout with Smeagly, Shaybles, Kayla, Smeagly’s friends, and Shaybles and Dayunn

Now I am home and I wish It was still Saturday, lots of beach fun and adorable cuddles and food…so so very sad. I feel kinda bittersweet, I could be talking to that boy but he’d rather play video games but there is still hope that he likes me…Boys are really stupid. Oh well. I really want some grape juice but I’m too lazy to go downstairs to get some, you know? I am very excited that Summer is almost here, then I can do basically whatever I want, besides robbing banks and committing mass murders. Just kidding, kinda. I find it amusing that nobody reads my blog but I keep writing stuff just to add another constant thing to my life, it makes me feel better. The band Bright Light Fever is amazing, I highly recommend them. Man, that juice would be awesome.

My brain is empty.

Today is sunday, also known as mothers day, also known as “lets make Raven feel like the most unnapreciateative, awful, selfish person in the entire world” day, according to my mother.

Top ten anyone?

put music on my zune

found out I’m faling math and small buisness management miserably.

made a yellow shark t-shrt that says “Don’t judge me, Im’a werkin’ man!

went grocery shopping. Yay.

watched some amazing and ridiculous film in small buisness.

got my first comission, I’m gonna paint a pair of converse all stars for this girl in my sbm class for like 10 dollars.

hung out the gang

met these two haliarious boys named Eddie and Paul. Magical.

said “Man, when I grow up I want to marry an asian guy and have a child with it, then when I am bored of its cuteness I will put it ikn the sewer and come back 20 years later to see if it becamse some cablasian lizard hybrid thing” [cablasian is caucasian, black, and asian all mixed together. I am black AND white so asian would be cool thrown into the mix.]

got in a fight with mom.

Thats all that will come out of my heads today.

So today is Monday, I didn’t post yesterday because yeah..I didn’t feel like it.

highlights? I believe so.

• [i like bullets better than numbers.] Made ridiculous sidewalk chalk pictures with kayla. AMAZING.
• celebrated mum’s birthday party, I then went to Manchester to stay with Shaybles and Dayunn for the week
• bought a shirt at the mall with Shaybles, it is blue and has knives on it.
• basically did the same thing every day, woke up and ate breakfast Shaybles made, took Dayunn to werk, showered and dressed, hung around the apartment for hours, then went to the park for a couple hours.
• Joined vampire freaks again [since like 3 years ago xD]
• Thursday Chris and Mattycakes came up and hung out with me, shay, and dayunnn and we all went to the park. It was all fun and hilarious till shay was chasing me and stripped over a stump onto another one that went three inches into her leg, right below her knee. It was brutal, you could see her fat and tendons and stuff, it was rather gruesome. After paramedics came and stuff we all went to the hospital, me Chris and Mattycakes were in the waiting room for about 2 or 3 hours and just acted ridiculous the whole time. We wouldn’t have been like that if Shay’s condition was fatal or something so don’t judge us! It was really good that we were all ok with it, I’m the most queezy out of all of the friends I was with and was really good about it; everybody was able to laugh and see the comedy in it. [were all a bit morbid...yeah...] Shay is now on Vicodin. It sucked the next day because she hadn’t really eaten anything substantial and got wicked woozy. It sucked.
• Went glow bowling with a bunch of people, me, shay [obviously], donovan, and colleen didn’t bowl because we didn’t have money, everybody else did and it was still grand. Us non-bowlers got bored eventually and went back to the apartment and ate colleen’s Chinese food. You know…I really don’t see the major appeal in bowling, it’s only a teensie bit cooler during the night.
• On Saturday Shay and Dan got food poisoning, me and Chris didn’t understand why were fine but they were puking all over the place. It was nasty so Chris brought me home, what a nice Chris. [he's my 7 year old brother, mattycakes is my 8 year old brother, I'm 3 years old, Shay is my mem mem and dayunn is my pap pap. HAHA]
• DID LAUNDRY YAYYYY!
• Found out I’m gaining mad weight. That happens when I don’t spend a lot of time at home eating other people junk food. Me and mum are gonna get gym memberships. LAWLZ.

Yeppuh. The only interesting days were Thursday and Saturday because of the accident and the sickness. Yepp. Manchvegas was nice, though. Anytime I get to spend a lot of time away from home and with friends I don’t see a lot and adore is nice..you know..unless it’s not nice. I didn’t werk all week, which only sucks because I don’t get paid. I got paid like 40 bucks from one weeks werk, [I get paid bi-week;y and have shitty hours..] which I used to give to Shay and Dan for gas and food, I shouldn’t have to have done that…but oh well, it’s just nice to do.  As much as I love them, it’s good to be home. I get to sleep in my comfy bed and I don’t have to change in the bathroom directly after my shower, I really hate that because then your clothes are all clingy! D:< I also don’t have as much access to soda and junk food, if it’s in front of me I want it but if it is not then I don’t. I get to use the computer more and do laundry without paying and I don’t have to spend my entire paycheck on gas because I don’t drive yet.

God fucking damn it. I need a new job. I’m hoping to get a job at the cafe down the street from my current workplace. My paycheck is gonna be all fucked up now because I got payed for one week before last week and I didn’t work last week so now it’s gonna be all obnoxious. -_- Oh well. I am a tired child and I want juice…we don’t have any though. Man, I used way too many brackets. Please forgive?

I’m so retarded..you know…in a skitso autistic kind of way?

I can’t think of a good leaving line that isn’t from sad song, I’ll try harder next time.

Bye.

Highlight time? I think so. I may not do 10 this time, I guess we shall see.

1. Monday Misery, I went home and slept till like 1, then mom called dad and he came and took me to lunch, it was nice.
2. I started using charcoal colored pencils, I LOVE them. I finished two pictures with them and I really love the outcome, I think I’ll use those pencils more often.
3. Drank a lot of sobe.
4. Went to a really awesome local show on Friday, it was grand and I got to see some lovely people I haven’t seen in months. I was nice, I was pleased. I’m glad that happened, it kicked off a really good weekend for me and brought my mood up a lot.
5. Hung out the Manchvegas crew all weekend, I love them SOOOOO very much. I have wonderful friends, I’m so very happy I have them in my life.
6. Spent half my paycheck on graphic novels.

Yep, thrilling, isn’t it?

I’m supposed to go to bed soon but since I’ve only been getting like 5 hours of sleep this weekend because of them Manchvegas childrens I probably wont be able to force myself into sleep till like 2 or 3 -_- I hate that. I also hate how my internal clock always wakes me up at 8, 9, or 10 am. It sucks because I can be up till 7 am and only be able to sleep till then and then my friends will sleep till 3 in the afternoon so I’m just awake alone for hours till they wake up. UGHHH. I’m REALLY bad under pressure and around people I like, by the way. I get really stupid, it’s SO BADl and I always regret what I say immediately after I say it.

I don’t know what else to say to you crazy kids so have a wonderful night.

I know nobody even reads this anymore.

Over and out, Connecticut.